I've had many wonderful business opportunities in the past, but blew them all, having oversold myself at times when I didn't have to.
For example, all I had to do was chill out, and I would have won the Bewitched feature film screen credit, or stayed working at Bravo, with TV Land, etc.
One thing I've learned for sure about this and ANY business, personal or professional:
People believe in you as much as you believe in yourself. And we teach others how to treat us.
My experience has been this: I create these ideal scenarios, completely based on my talent. I take the meetings, win the jobs, and then...open my mouth. That's when the trouble sets in.
Some kind of self-hatred kicks in, and I display it in a very self-destructive manner whenever things start going well.
Whatever the reasons why, be they karmic or intrinsic to THIS life, it clearly is a major issue with me. And it needs to stop.
People DO respect my work. People DO think I'm charming. The Universe DOES send me wonderful opportunities.
Once I arrive at these opportunities, however, I fuck it up. A deep lack of confidence surfaces, and I start acting ridiculously annoying. And then, because of the general insecurities in this industry, our peers (i.e. many times also known as "bullies"), filled with many multiple personalities, pounce on such behavior. They love to be around someone carefree and successful.
But they also love to kick a man when he's down.
And I begin by being "UP", but somehow have always managed to bring myself "DOWN" - and the "peer kicking" (bullying) commences.
It is a vicious circle that keeps me - and others like me - from fulfilling my true destiny in success.
And soon, I will leap over this hurdle.
I have to.
I don't have a choice.
The only other choice is the way I've been conducting myself.
And that clearly is not working.
The key, again, is the carefree spirit - and to make everyone else look like they are smart ones, nod, agree - make tons of money, get established - and then go on to form your own productions the way you want.
That's the "answer"