Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wow - talk about your "clean-up" weeks...

The names have been changed to protect the guilty. So, here we go...Me and "Peggy Sue," an ex-semi-love (and I say "semi," 'cause we really never knew what we were) have now officially ended our friendship. She actually married some other guy about nine years ago (or more), but we retained our friendship (with her husband's blessing). One thing led to another, however, and we really only became "phone friends"; clearly, she had a life of her own and there was really no room for me in it. At least, not like I ultimately wanted it to be. I was only in her life when it was convenient for her. Our relationship was all about her - and that's no fun. So, we're done...Then, there's "Louise" - the one I really should have never, ever let go - years ago, when we were in our late teens. She was a wonderful, wonderful person, and I blew it. She liked me. I didn't like her. I liked her. She didn't like me. It was one of those kinds of relationships. Now, she, too, is married (to a former classmate of mine, in fact). And, like Peggy Sue's spouse, Louises' husband has given oure friendship his contemporary blessing. But again, it just feels uncomfortable. So, she's done...Then, there's "Mia". Don't even know why I emailed or contacted her (after nearly 15 years). She way-liked me in college. I ignored her. Then I liked her. And then it was too late. Ugh! Again, the same bloody scenario. I just SO hope that she doesn't email me back (please, please don't!), and that she stays in the past - with the rest of 'em...Then, there's "Nancy". MAN! She was also so hot! But also, she was always one of the most selfish people I have ever known in my life. And many times, I would try to break away from her, she would always "pull me back in" (just like in the Godfather, part III - well, kinda'). But this time, I didn't let it hapopen. I had not seen her in five years until, like a fool, I saw her son and told him to have his mother call me. She did indeed call, and left a voicemail but, somehow, I found the courage not to call her back - not to be caught once more in her web of deceit. So, how she's gone, too (thank the Good Lord)...Then, there's "Rena" - the love of my life. All I will say is that I waited much too long (nearly thirty years) to reveal my true feelings to her, and when I did, it was just plain too late. Anyway, Rena (who is now married) is away in the past...Then, there's "Darlene," who is a decade or so younger than me, and who is absolutely beautiful, but with whom I share absolutely no chemistry. Also, too, she is now engaged; so, she's gone...Then, there's "Mona," who I knew in college, and who liked me ALOT. But who I also ignored because she was fat. Great guy, uh? Anyway, years later, she shows up at one of my book signings, and she looks perfect. Thin, gorgeous and did I say "perfect"?. But, she is also now married. In any case, we flirted back and forth for years. She's not happy with her marriage, and yet she doesn't seem to want to move on, either. So, anyway - I ended the relationship - or whatever it was. C'yah!...So, now that all of these "attached" women are out of my life - FINALLY - and not wasting my time or theirs - the "gap" has been opened to be filled by someone "legitimate"; someone with whom I will actually share a healthy relationship based on BOTH of our needs; someone with whom I will actually become intimate; someone who is really and sincerely meant for me. This is a very exciting time, and I am so proud of myself for "protecting" myself. Big pat on the shoulders, there, Herbie J. You be alright! That said, I very much am looking forward to moving forward (instead of into the past)...

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