Saturday, September 29, 2007

"It's All About 'Timing'"

I've known many wonderful women in my life - and I've had many great relationships. Some have lasted six years, others six months, others still, only three days.

Then, there are the potential relationships that never had a chance...the many times awesome women came into my life and we never seemed to click.

I used to think those potential relationships never had a chance because I wasn't tall enough, or I didn't have enough money or because I cry at sad scenes in movies (sorry, but it's true - that's what I do).

But it's none of those things.

The great relationships that never transpired, never transpired because of bad timing - mostly on my part. In fact, for an actor, I have some of the worst timing on the planet. Not to mention, the thickest skull. I've had women flirt with me and come on to me, and I would be so oblivious to them - or think, "Nay - she can't want me. I don't have enough money for her" or "I'm too old for her" or "I'm not good enough for her."

None of that was ever true, but I would talk myself out of any pursuit.

Then of course, days or weeks or sometimes only minutes later, I would catch myself and flirt back. Or ask for her number - or just come right out and let her know that I'm interested in her. But it would be too late.

Again - I missed my timing - or didn't play by the unspoken three-second rule that potential partners play.

What's the three-second rule?

It goes something like this:

If you're out at a bar, or you meet someone at a party, and you sense a mutual attraction of any kind, from your end or theirs, you move quickly - within three seconds - to let them know you're interested. And you do that with a great "rap" - or a great opening line - spoken either by the man or the woman.

But those lines have to be sincere. They could be corny - but they definately need to be sincere.

Case in point: A few years back, I was swimming at Greenleaf Meadows - an apartment complex that I used to live in with my parents and sister when we moved from Erie Street. After my father passed away, and we moved from Greenleaf, I went back for a visit-swim, to catch some rays and try to regroup and be reflective on the developments of the previous weeks.

Anyway, as I'm reading my TV Guide, this beautiful blond goddess with the bluest eyes I had ever then-seen placed her towel about three feet away from my chase lounge. She smiled at me and said, "Hi." I smiled back and said, "Hello." There was clearly an attraction, despite the fact that I was reading my TV Guide. We talked a little bit, and I probably cleared the three-second rule just fine, but I was little down that day - and really didn't know if I had the energy to pursue this woman (or quite frankly any woman at the time), or to at least let her know that I was interested.

So, after an hour or so, she began to pack up her towel and leave. I sensed she was a little disappointed that I didn't ask for her number - or that I didn't ask her to at least have dinner. But I was about to fix all that.

As she left the pool and started walking towards her car, I dropped the TV Guide on my chase lounge, and sprung over to her and spurted out, "Excuse me - can I ask you a question?"

"Okay," she said.

"What's it like to have blue eyes?"

She laughed and replied, "I don't know - what's it like to have brown eyes?"

Don't ask me where that question came from. All I know is that I meant it, and within the hour, she and I were discussing the details of that question over lunch at the famed Schaller's resturant at the corner of Edgemear Drive and Beach Avenue. From there, we went on to have a wonderful relationship (that later ended because she left me for some dude with yellow teeth - but we'll save that part of the story for another blog post).

The best part of this story is the first part of the story - how we met because I made sure not to miss our timing and made certain to have my rap down.

In recent years - because of various challenges, mostly including caring for my Mom - I've missed my timing a lot - too much in fact.

The Universe has introduced me to many charming women who have let me know in one subtle way or another that they were interested in me, with each of them waiting for my response. But in each case, I missed my timing, didn't play by the three-second rule, or didn't have my "rap" down.

I've been so busy caring for my Mom, and pursuing my career - aspiring to secure myself with more money, thinking that, in today's world, that's what it's all about with women. I falsely believed that all they cared about was how much money you have, or what kind of car you drive, and rediculous things like that.

Don't get me wrong. Money is important - and we should all be concerned about securing our financial futures. But what good is all that success if you have no one to share it with - and if you keep missing your timing?

That said, the next "time" I meet someone wonderful - someone who I believe is interested in me - I'm not going to miss my timing. I might not be at a pool, reading my TV Guide. But if I see someone who catches my eye, and she catches mine, maybe I'll tweak my rap just ever so slightly, and ask, "How would you like to go out with a guy who has brown eyes?"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is so true. Of guys and gals!

I went to a high-school class reunion picnic a few weeks ago. More than one of my old high-school flames was there. Of course, those guys still looked as attractive as ever.

And then there were a few of the "other" guys. The ones I wouldn't give the time of day to when I was in high school. Okay, maybe I wasn't "that" mean to them, but let's just say that I wouldn't have been seen dating them in high school. They were the nerdy guys--friendly, but not the kind of guys that a popular class officer like me would be seen dating in those days. But now--30+ years later, I found myself talking to a few of them at the picnic and enjoying it. You know, they are really nice guys, and the years have made them more attractive in more ways than one--and I began wondering, "what if?". What if--I had actually said yes all those years ago (one of them had asked me to the prom, and I said no). To this day, whenever I see that guy, especially when I saw him at this picnic, I remember the look on his face when I turned him down with his prom proposal. Yet today--this day--he and the other nerdy guys still want to talk to me and know what's going on in my life. So, it's hard not to think about "what if?". What if I had gone out with one of them all those years ago and forgot about appearances and what was "cool" back then? Who knows...I might have settled down with one of the nerds and lived a very happy life. Too bad we can't predict those things when we're in high school, but it sure makes for something to think about when we get older!